North Charleston‘s 3 MPH Police Chase: When an Excavator Outran Cops (Sort Of)
Okay, picture this: It’s midnight in North Charleston. Cops spot something moving down the street. Not a car. Not a bike. A freaking tractor excavator, crawling along at 3 miles per hour. And thus began what might be the world’s most patient police chase. I’m not joking—this actually happened last Sunday. The internet’s still laughing about it.
How Do You Even Chase Something That Slow?
The Night It Went Down
So around 12:30 AM, some officers noticed this excavator just… rolling down the road. No lights, no reason to be there. They hit the sirens, expecting the usual panic. But here’s the thing—you can’t exactly speed away in heavy machinery. What followed was basically a parade: cops walking beside this thing like they were escorting a very confused metal elephant.
One witness said it best: “It was like watching grass grow, but with more flashing lights.”
Why 3 MPH? Blame Physics
Let me break it down—those big yellow beasts aren’t built for NASCAR. Top speed? Maybe 5 mph downhill with a tailwind. Compared to normal police chases where cars hit 100 mph, this was less “Hollywood blockbuster” and more “grandpa crossing the street.” Twitter had a field day. My favorite tweet? “Did they ticket him for reckless driving… or reckless crawling?”
Meet the World’s Chillest Criminal
Who Does This?
Cops haven’t named the driver yet, but witnesses described someone who seemed… committed. Like, zero urgency. Was it a botched theft? A midnight construction enthusiast? Or just a guy who really wanted to see the stars from an excavator cab? Your guess is as good as mine.
Worst Getaway Plan Ever
Here’s the kicker—if this was a burglary attempt, it wins the award for worst escape strategy. Those things are louder than a Metallica concert and slower than DMV lines. One cop joked (off the record, obviously): “We’ve seen bad ideas before, but this one came with its own soundtrack.”
How Do You Stop an Excavator? Very Carefully
Cops’ Playbook: Patience 101
No spike strips needed here. Officers basically became excavator whisperers—walking alongside, trying to talk the driver down. Imagine trying to reason with a stubborn mule, except the mule weighs 20 tons and could crush your patrol car by accident.
A neighbor filmed the whole thing, muttering, “This is either the dumbest crime ever or performance art.” Can’t argue with that.
Internet Reacts (Because Of Course)
Videos went viral instantly. Memes compared it to everything from “Mad Max” to “Tortoise vs. Hare.” Even the police department leaned in, tweeting: “Suspect in custody. No injuries. Our dignity? TBD.” Gotta respect cops who can laugh at themselves.
This Isn’t Even the First Slow-Mo Chase
History’s Weirdest Getaway Attempts
Florida once had a guy flee in a golf cart (12 mph—speed demon!). In the UK, a pensioner led cops on a mobility scooter chase. There’s something weirdly satisfying about seeing law enforcement outmaneuvered by vehicles that lose races to bicycles.
But Is It Actually Safe?
Okay, funny as it is, a runaway excavator could still flatten someone’s Prius. Departments treat these like real pursuits—just with more sighing and less tire screeching. As one officer told me: “Training covers high-speed chases. Nobody prepares you for a suspect you could literally outpace while chewing gum.”
Final Thoughts: Absurdity Wins
In a world of grim headlines, North Charleston gave us the chase scene we didn’t know we needed. It’s proof that real life is stranger than fiction—and way funnier. So tell me, what’s the weirdest police story you’ve heard? Drop your favorites in the comments!
Lines That’ll Go Down in History
- “We’ve trained for everything… except this.” —Anonymous cop
- “I timed it. My grandma walks faster.” —Local bartender
- “Not all heroes wear capes. Some drive excavators at midnight.” —Reddit user
Source: NY Post – US News
